Can You Feel The Rain, TK?
by Kay the Cricketed
Summary: Hmmm... my first attempt at a Matt fic... he's thinking about TK, and how he's growing up, and remembering some old memories... kinda sad... ^_^ R n' R please?! Dedicated to someone...


Can You Feel the Rain, TK?  
  
By Kay  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Matt or Tk... ^_^ Tammy does! Heh heh. Thanks! By the way- Matt should be about 4 in this fic, since TK's 8 on the series...  
  
A/N: Tammy... this one is for you. ::smiles:: It's a pretty bad fic, but... the effort is what counts. This is for just being there all the time, being my friend, and the best thing that ever happened to me. Thanks for being there when I needed a shoulder or someone to talk to. And most of all- thanks for sticking through with me through the tough parts. I'll never forget it, even if you do, and I hope someday I'll be able to help you like you helped me... before I get to sappy- god forbid- just... thanks. Here's lookin' at you, kid.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sometimes it only takes a second to fall in love.  
  
Not romantically, although that often happens in even a shorter amount of time. Love as in a deep, understanding bond that won't break, won't fade down no matter how rough things are at the time. The kind of love that makes you feel like suddenly there's purpose in the world, and that finally, for the first time, something makes some kind of sense. It's just... there. You don't even have to acknowledge it, because it's just there. The love that makes you cry, laugh, protect, and try every day for the rest of your life to do just one thing right.  
  
The kind of love you get often unexpected.  
  
See, I know how it feels, dumb as it sounds. I fell in love when I was a kid. I remember that day really clearly for some reason. Dad and me had to eat Poptarts that morning because Mom wasn't around to cook breakfast. She was teaching me how to make my own food, then, but I still wasn't allowed to use anything but the microwave, and I was to short to reach it then even though I was tall for a little kid. So we got stuck with Poptarts. Cooking would've come in handy about then...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Flashback:  
  
Dad was jumping around again, being really nervous and looking at the phone a lot. I stared at him while I nibbled sullenly at my Poptart. I hated strawberry... Mom knew that, but we're outta blueberry, and she's not here right now. She had to go before I woke up, Dad said.  
  
"Dad, what are you jumping around for?" Might as well ask. Dad wasn't nervous much- he's a reporter, and works for a big TV place that tapes stories and stuff that happens. So sometimes he'd be really weird for no reason, coming home late and telling Mom about people who were having 'sca-ndi-els'. Sometimes they fought... but Mom always made up with him later. So where was Mommy?  
  
"I'm okay, Matt." Dad ran a hand through his thick brown hair and lit another cigarette. I watched the familiar glowing ember flicker. Mom hates it when he smokes in the house, so he tries not to most of the time.  
  
"Daddy, you shouldn't smoke. Mommy hates that."   
  
"I don't think your mother's going to care today, Matt." Dad chuckled, a sound that made me smile. I liked to hear Dad laugh. He's got this way of smiling that makes him seem sarcastic and wise and cold at the same time. Mom says I inherited that, and I like looking in the mirror and smiling to see if it's true.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because today your mom is going to be bringing home a very special gift," Dad said calmly, breathing in more cigarrette smoke. "Remember?"  
  
I searched my memory, my face scrunching up and my eyes closing tightly. I pursed my lips, something Daddy says makes me look like my mom. I don't remember much, cause I'm not a very good listener when Mom and Dad tell me to do something. "I don' remember."  
  
"You're going to see your new little brother today, Matt. His name it Takeru, remember? Your mother and I told you tons of times already. We showed you a picture of him from the hospital here, that one at dinner? He's coming home today," Dad said, his eyes sparkling and his smile widening. It made me smile to, before the words sunk in. I remembered the picture- what an funny looking thing. A little brother. He was bald- what a weird thing. But Mom said I had to help take care of him, an' Dad said I could play with him when he got older.  
  
"I'm gonna have a pet?"  
  
Dad coughed on the smoke, and started to laugh and pound his chest as the smoke got him. After a second, he caught his breath, still laughing, and ruffled my hair. "Not a... pet... Matt, a little brother. A little baby that will live with us."  
  
"Oh, yeah." I brightened. "Is he gonna stay here forever an' ever?"  
  
"Well, at least for a long time." Dad hesitated, and crushed the glowing cigarrette butt in the ashtray on the kitchen table. "Are you okay with this, Matt? You're going to have to be a big boy now, a big brother, and help us take care of Takeru."  
  
"I'm a big boy!" I protested, instinctivly pouting and crossing my arms. "I'll help take care of... of... of... Tak-ruu!"  
  
"I never doubted it," Daddy said, smiling and reaching down to pick me up. I eagerly hugged him, feeling his scratchy cheek against my own. Hugs were rare from Dad, and something meant to be treasured for as long as possible.  
  
"Honey, Matt, I'm back with Takeru!" a female voice rang from the doorway to our apartment. I looked up, recognizing Mom's voice in excitement as the door slammed in the other room. I ran for the doorway. Mom was coming, her coat thrown over the back of the arm chair.  
  
"Hello, sweetheart," she said, smiling. "I've got something to show you..." I didn't answer, my eyes were fixed on the white bundle in her arms. Slowly, she kneeled down to my height to look into my eyes, still holding the bundle gently.  
  
"Is that my little brother?" I whispered, inching my head up to try and look into the bundle. She nodded, her warm eyes catching mine as she smiled softly.  
  
"Go ahead and take a look."  
  
I held my breath, craning up to see this small Takeru thing, as Mom leaned in towards me and gently let me look. I heard Dad come up behind me, but I didn't say anything.  
  
My crystal blue eyes were fixed on an identical pair of crystal blue eyes.  
  
My little brother had my eyes! I grinned, delighted. Way cool! And he wasn't bald anymore either, he had a soft carpet of thin, blond hair that was growing out. He was tiny... so little... where little brothers supposed to be itty bitty?  
  
"Hi, I'm Matt!" I whispered to Takeru. Takeru looked up at me, blinking, and slowly yawned. His mouth was a cherry redish, like his cheeks, only darker. He didn't even have any teeth! How was he supposed to eat food?  
  
"I'm your new big brother," I said again, reaching up with a hand to his face. A tiny fist shook, and snatched my finger surprisingly quick with an incredibally tight grip.  
  
Takeru gurgled and smiled brightly at me, making cute little cooing sounds that made him sound like a bird. After a few moments of rapture and fixed enchantment, I forced myself to look at Mom.  
  
"Mom... why is his name Tak-ruu?"  
  
"Because we thought it was a nice name, sweetie."  
  
"Can I call him somethin' else?" I asked, blushing. I didn't want to tell her I couldn't say his name.  
  
"Well... what do you want to call him?" she asked in surprise. Dad raised an eyebrow.  
  
I shrugged listlessly and looked back down at my little brother. "TK."  
  
At that, my little brother TK looked up and squealed happily, gripping my fingers tighter. I giggled.  
  
I wasn't sure how it had happened so fast- but I already had fallen in love with my little brother.  
  
End flashback  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
TK grew up fast. Me even faster. He learned to walk and talk, and he always loved to be with me. We were inseperatable- the two Ishida brothers. I took it on as my responsibility to protect him all the time, and tell him the main facts of life. I can still remember trying to give him that lesson on how to mutilate Barbie dolls... that didn't turn out so good... Mom ended up telling me to go to my bedroom, and I got TK hooked on Barbies for about a month. But other than that tiny incident, and okay, there were a *few* others, everything was perfect.  
  
Things were so great, it was hard to believe there would ever be any bad things in our life. When it stormed, no rain drop could touch us. No lightning bolt could hit us. We heard no thunder, felt no rain.  
  
But things went downhill. I don't know how it started, or what year it was. I know it was later, after Heighton View Terrace I think. Mom and Dad started fighting again. I guess I thought they'd stop after TK was born, and I had been right for a while, but after he got older they just seemed to snap. They couldnt' hold it in anymore. I remember hearing them, night after night, screaming at each other. TK would run to me, his face fearful, his blue eyes confused. Innocent. He never understood what was going on. He'd sleep with me those nights... as if I could keep the angry words, the hate, from creeping up on him...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Flashback:  
  
"You just don't care anymore! You're always working on something else!" Mom shouted in frustration. "It's the job this, the job that!"  
  
"I keep this family off the ground," Dad yelled, slamming a fist against a table. "You don't do anything, do you?!"  
  
"I take care of Matt and TK!"  
  
I can't help but shiver, and curl up, tucked in my bed covers. It was going on so much longer tonight, longer than usual. I could feel the anger and pain boiling underneath the surface of my fear. How could they do this again? Didn't Mom and Dad love each other anymore? Didn't they love me and TK?  
  
"You're a worthless bum- you don't even see TK grow up!"  
  
Dad said something low, something I couldn't hear but knew was scathing because Mom instantly replied in a loud, indignant tone.  
  
"How DARE you!"  
  
I wince and bury my face in my pillow, tears burning in my eyes. Shut up... please...  
  
"Matt?" a tiny voice next to my ear asked. "Are Mommy and Daddy fighting again?"  
  
I let my fear drain away until my face is calm before I turn to look at TK. His youthful, chubby face is scared and worried, his eyes already filling with tears. Forcing myself to stop crying, I nod. "Yeah, they are."  
  
TK's lip trembles, and for a second I think he's going to sob. "C-can I s-sleep with y-you tonight, Matt?"  
  
I nod quietly and scoot over as TK scrambles into bed quickly. Wrapping my arms around him, I close my eyes, feeling his breaths coming from him. "It's okay, TK. They'll stop in a little bit..." I whispered, even though I didn't know if it was true. "They always do."  
  
TK nods sleepily, and cuddles up closer to me instead of answering. He seems content to just trust me. That's all he's ever done.  
  
I hate to let him down.  
  
"I can't take this anymore! I can't live like this!" Mom sobbed from the kitchen. The sudden, deafening silence makes me tense up and listen closer. TK's breathing deeply now, most definatly asleep.  
  
"Then why are you still here, Nancy?" Dad asked quietly, his voice sad but final. So final... Dad, why do you sound like...  
  
"I don't know... for the boys, mostly. I'd hate to break them apart- they love each other so much!" Mom cries harder. "But... I can't do this anymore... I'm sorry..."  
  
"You're giving up?" Final. Painful words.  
  
"No... no, don't you dare make me the bad person in this, Ishida. Don't start that with me now," Mom said sharply, suddenly all anger and no tears. No regret.  
  
Dad sighed. "Then... you mean it this time?"  
  
"Yes... yes, I do."  
  
I felt a chill go up my spine, and I hugged TK's warm body closer to mine and buried my head in the covers, shaking. I didn't want to hear what would be said next.   
  
So I just listened to TK's even breathing as I drifted to sleep, remembering Dad's final tone. Remembering those final words.  
  
End flashback  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Even though I'd had some horrible, twisted warning of what was going to happen, it still shocked me when they told us. Told us about the divorce. They were going to seperate us, TK with Mom, me with Dad. We might not get to see each other for a very long while.  
  
Some part of me still hates them for that.  
  
TK was... everything. I lived for him. And suddenly, he just wasn't there anymore. Mom walked away with him, and the last time I saw him, I was looking over my shoulder, confused and hurt and angry. It wasn't fair to me- it still isn't.  
  
It was true- there's calm before the storm. Before, we were so happy I thought, so perfect, so together. Then, disaster struck, and destruction was left in it's path. Suddenly, when no rain drop could touch me before, I was drenched in unhappiness. In anger and self-loathing. Fear and pain.  
  
Drowning in a world without love.  
  
Dad tried to make things better for me- he really did. He loves me, he just shows it in his own ways. I've learned a long time ago to just accept them, and know them well enough to see it. I went to school. I made dinner. Dad and me would watch TV together, just the two guys.  
  
There was no love... but at least the hateful words had stopped for a while.   
  
I was out of the main storm, but the aftermath was so hard to deal with.  
  
That was why I went to camp this summer- because I knew TK would be there. I knew the second I had the chance, I had to see him again and spend as much time as possible with him. I remember meeting him at camp, hugging him and smiling for the first time in weeks. He had that effect on a person- smiling was impossible not to do around him. I hope I had something to do with that, though it's unlikely.  
  
When I saw him, it was like I woke up from some long spell or dream. The world wasn't so cold and dark anymore. There was sunlight. There was blue sky and puffy white clouds like in those pictures TK would draw me when he got his first crayon set. The rain didn't totallly let up, but I was only in a slight drizzle.  
  
When we were sucked into the DigiWorld... well... things changed. Suddenly, I had to be extra responsible about TK. I had to make sure he was safe! I'm his big brother, it's my job, my right, my privilage. I love him to much to let him fend off the hardships of this place.  
  
I love him so much I'd do anything to protect him. If something happens to him here, I'll never forgive myself for it. I don't think I could live with it even. Every life has a purpose, and my purpose was TK.  
  
But... like I said... things are changing. TK's growing up- he's learning to take care of himself. He still needs me, he'll never ever stop needing me, but he's learning to stand up for things he can do. He's showing everyone, including me, that he's getting a lot more capable of staying safe and being part of the team. It's a bittersweet joy to see him like that. I love him, and I want to protect him forever, just like I've been doing. But that wouldn't be fair to TK. So I try... try to keep back just a little. Not be to overprotective.  
  
But how can you blame me for it? Dude, the world's a dangerous place. I'll always be here to protect him. Even if he doesn't want it just yet.  
  
I place a hand on his blond hair, so like my own, and smile softly. Everyone's asleep, so I don't have to worry about anyone noticing my display of affection. Maybe if they did, I wouldn't care either.  
  
My world's still a dark place. I'm confused, hurt, and lonely most of the time. I have to deal with the strain of Tai always challenging me, the hard part of trying to be a better friend and not let everyone down, and at the same time take care of TK. He's to little to be alone in this world.  
  
But my world's getting brighter every day I'm here. Gabumon's been a better friend to me than anyone I've ever met, and Tai, even though he's a jerk and a stubborn idiot, is always there to keep my mind off of other things. And most of all... TK's here, throwing a hopeful glow on my life. That maybe things won't turn out so bad. That the rain will stop falling sometime, and I'll be able to let go of the painful memories.  
  
Can you feel the rain, TK?  
  
Your face is covered in raindrops.  
  
My tears to shed, your smile to dry them, and angels have nothing on us.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THE END 


End file.
